Laughing at the absurd
by Janet Fanaki
I recently ran into an old acquaintance who learned of the return of my husband’s cancer.
It took them by surprise that while I was sharing his symptoms, the 10 days of radiation that followed and aggressive intravenous infusion that he was now taking bi-weekly that I laughed about it.
It wasn’t the kind that I would let out at a comedy club or while watching Seinfeld, nor was it a nervous one, but one that takes over when I’m hearing or talking about something totally absurd.
Their reply to my reaction was, “Well, it seems like you’re doing alright.”
I consider my sense of humour a part of my coping skills and something that gets me through many tough situations.
According to an article I read in Mental Floss, counsellor Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez says, “Sometimes people laugh when something is sad because they are trying to deflect going deeper into their emotions.”
I don’t consider my laughter as a means to protect myself.
Living with someone who is battling a terminal disease is all-consuming and even my emotions need a rest from it.
So when I’m speaking with someone who wants to know more about how I’m coping, the tell-tale signs of glioblastoma, or if they should avoid using a cell phone in fear of developing a brain tumour, I will sometimes let out a giggle.
Why? Because I’ve been talking about it everyday for over 3 years and sometimes my laughter helps to break the monotony of how painful this experience really is.
At my 50th birthday party, I was getting to know a friend of a friend. In between dancing and sips of champagne, she decided to sidle up to me to say that she too once had a brain tumour. I thought, “Um, no offence but my party is not where I want to hear about this.” So I politely smiled, said that I was sorry to hear it, and excused myself while quietly laughing as I walked away.
(Note to everyone reading this post — try and refrain from telling a sad story at someone’s birthday party.)
Being resilient takes having the right coping skills. So if it means having a belly laugh over a crazy comment or giggling at a discussion that you’re not willing to have, let it out.
It’s more important that you be okay with it than worry about what others think of you.
Janet Fanaki is the creator of RESILIENT PEOPLE. She interviews EXTRAordinary people around the world who are admired for their resilience. Janet lives in Toronto with her husband, two children, and mini poodle and is learning to navigate middle age. Find RESILIENT PEOPLE at www.resilientpeople.ca
